Handling the controls

As a kid, I played lots of Nintendo games.  I was adept with the video game controller.  I knew the codes and could hit a long sequence of buttons correctly and quickly to beat the toughest bosses.

But then something happened.  Years later, I was one of those people who lagged behind everyone else.  When it was mainstream, I'd still never sent a text message before.  I wasn't adept on my phone.  There were a couple main buttons I used for the basics, but the rest were a mystery.  Those extra buttons were for other people who were better at this.  I watched others texting really quickly, like there was a connection between their fingers and the controls that I didn't have.  I remember thinking "I used to be good at this".  With mobile phones, I was one of those people who didn't "get it".

And then it happened to video games.  Many years had passed since those childhood days playing Nintendo in the basement.  One day I picked up a new Metroid game.  Technology had changed - the came was in 3D instead of 2D.   I was excited to get back into it and re-experience my youthful triumphs.  But, I failed miserably at aiming the gun.  I died over and over.  And not the good kind of dying where you learn a bit each time and each death means you are practicing more and getting better.  No, I was dying because I couldn't use the controls.  I sucked, and I wasn't having any fun.

I knew that to get better, I'd need to invest serious time in learning these new controls.  This would come at a high cost.  The thing most rare and precious to me these days was free time.  With so many demands with the baby, work, family obligations and everything else, I wasn't willing to spend whatever rare free minutes I had.  I knew the demands of the game would be higher than what I had.  So, I gave up on the video game before ever really starting.  Because of the barrier to learning the new controls - whether they be a mobile phone or a modern video game controller --  I wondered if there was something inherent in being a mom in her late 20s who was "supposed" to lose touch with video games by now because I was too slow at learning. 

Today I'd like to tell you not to lose hope!  If this has happened to you -- your "gaming" skill disappeared because you had a baby, because of hard times, or what -- I can tell you it doesn't have to be permanent!  The magic connection between you and the controls can be re-built.  Just by using my phone more and more often (given the upgrade from my clamshell phone to an iPhone, and new apps that give more reasons to use the phone), I can now text quickly like "those people" I envied not long ago.  And now that my kid is old enough, I picked up a video game (Final Fantasy XV recently!) and with practice I've become good at it!  I can do warp-strikes, link attacks, target enemies, block, parry, cast spells, switch weapons, and swap out to other characters' special abilities.  I own this -- BOOYEAH!

Granted, I sucked at first.  I mashed the wrong buttons and I accidentally wasted a Mega potion because I was pressing "use" over and over instead of "cancel" to back out.  I couldn't remember the difference between the "item menu" screen and the "target" button.  I used to forget which button was attack.  But it didn't take long at all.  I found a comfort zone, did that for a while, then I re-played the tutorial again to pick up on subtleties I forgot.  At the age of 35 I am more purposeful with my learning:  "I am going to learn this now" and I deliberately set out to learn it, and I do.  As a kid I don't remember doing this, it just kinda happened by osmosis.  Or probably by learning it from my siblings through repetition!

The point is, I have experienced the loss of "it".  I wondered if my days as a gamer were over, if I was no longer good enough.  But then I fought to get it back again. 

There are probably lots of gamers out there who got "it" as kids and have never experienced the loss of "it".  Maybe those gamers think less of me.  I'm sure there are others who'd cheer me on even though they will never experience the loss I did. 

And now I am here, and I keep on playing.